Story is always a journey of self-discovery
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
– Socrates
Embarking on a creative endeavor, especially memoir writing, often brings forth a whirlwind of fears. Among these, the fear of exposure can loom large. When recounting personal experiences, the instinct to withhold information or downplay the drama — either to protect yourself or others — can lead to confusion for your readers. Yet, it is through conflict and tension that meaning emerges.
Your Protagonist is an Extreme
Consider how your protagonist — essentially, yourself — embodies an extreme through which you explore your theme. In Wild, Cheryl Strayed embarks on a thousand-mile journey along the Pacific Crest Trail to rediscover herself. Jesmyn Ward’s The Men We Reaped delves into the loss of five African-American men in her life, confronting the harsh realities of poverty and racial inequality. Meanwhile, in Under an Afghan Sky, journalist Melissa Fung recounts her harrowing experience of being kidnapped and held captive in Afghanistan for twenty-eight days, enduring beatings and abuse.
These narratives illustrate that while we can all relate to feelings of being lost, witnessing injustice, or experiencing confinement in some form, the authors use extraordinary circumstances to explore profound themes. Consider also Educated by Tara Westover, which tells the story of a woman who grows up in a strict, survivalist family in Idaho and eventually seeks knowledge beyond the confines of her upbringing. Her journey from ignorance to education highlights themes of resilience and the transformative power of learning.
Similarly, in The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls recounts her unconventional and often chaotic childhood with her eccentric parents. The extreme circumstances she faced — poverty, neglect, and instability — serve as a backdrop for her eventual quest for acceptance and self-identity. If these authors can emerge from their struggles with newfound meaning, perhaps there is hope for all of us.
Finding Your Story’s Core
Whether you are writing memoir or fiction, do you see how, in some way, your protagonist is an extreme? This doesn’t imply that you need to have faced trauma to have a story worth telling; rather, a compelling narrative often requires overcoming significant obstacles.
To distill your story, ask yourself: what is my story truly about? Try to encapsulate it in a single word or phrase. Make it primal! Here are some possibilities:
- Acceptance
- Connection
- Ambition
- Meaning (Who am I?)
- Purpose
- Survival
- Freedom
- Justice
- Honor
- Success
- Validation
- Belonging
Connecting to your Theme
As you jot down events from your life, pay attention to how each moment serves as a clue to your quest. It’s not merely the events themselves that matter, but the meanings you attach to them. Through this exploration, you may uncover a quiet yearning that weaves through seemingly disparate experiences.
You might find that you’re pursuing multiple desires simultaneously. This is natural. As human beings, we’re nothing but a collection of wants. But as you explore, you may begin to notice that one of these desires gradually begins to rise to the surface, becoming your primary theme — the lens through which your story unfolds. For instance, in Becoming, Michelle Obama navigates her experiences of identity, womanhood, purpose, and empowerment, ultimately illustrating a journey to self-acceptance. It is not to say that issues of identity, womanhood, and purpose didn’t figure into her narrative, but these are issues, not themes, that help to guide the reader to what true self-acceptance actually means.
Remember, it’s not essential to arrive at a definitive answer regarding your theme. What’s important is to maintain a gentle curiosity as you navigate your journey. Each revelation brings you closer to understanding the essence of your story, allowing you to create a narrative that resonates with readers. Embrace the exploration. I believe that the desire to write is really the desire to evolve by resolving an inner dilemma. It is through the journey of creating a story that you may very well discover the most profound insights about yourself and the world around you.
Learn more about marrying the wildness of your imagination to the rigor of structure in The 90-Day Novel, The 90-Day Memoir, or The 90-Day Screenplay workshops.
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