Every Open Heart Has an Antagonist
As I write this, Gustavo Dudamel is beaming from the front page of the LA Times, clutching his heart and swooning to the heavens. Last week, a journalist urged us not to get too excited about LA’s newest conductor, counseling us that he was still young and unproven, that we should not rush to anoint him genius quite yet. The other day, President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, and his critics cried that it was too soon, that he had not ‘done anything’ yet.
Dudamel and Obama are not ignorant men. They are aware of the dangers of leading with their hearts. When a spirit rises up and expresses its true self, there is an aspect of our collective humanity that wishes to test it. It takes courage to lay ourselves bare. There is nothing to hide behind, no cloak of cynicism to shroud our timidity. Dudamel, Obama: these men are human, and not impervious to criticism, yet they choose to make themselves vulnerable, to be moved in spite of the potential public blowback. What if Dudamel read last week’s article and decided (unconsciously or not) to be more emotionally careful, that the cost of public scrutiny was not worth his bruised ego. In a creative life, the fear of embarrassment can threaten us at every turn. We may feel the pull to lower our vision, to withdraw, to be reasonable, practical, sensible, and all those other words that masquerade as maturity but are really just euphemisms for fear of change. As artists, it is important that we do not underestimate the antagonistic forces we face in the act of creation. Our fears are not unfounded, insofar as we have evidence to support them. And frankly, if we face them head on, the antagonistic forces will win. After all, they are armed with libraries of proof… they have history on their side. The desire to transform, to enter the realm of the gods means risking everything we think we know, for something beyond our imagining.
By taking the risk of allowing ourselves to be used as a channel we become targets for every blocked artist, every cynic and naysayer for miles around. Wisdom comes from knowing this, and protecting our creation by not discussing it while it is being borne, so that we can get down into our story and really let it rip. We cannot wait for everyone to support our endeavor. We cannot wait for everyone to approve of what we have to say. We cannot wait for the coast to be clear, for our security to be guaranteed, for victory to be certain. We alone know what the truth is, in spite of the inner voices that may tell us otherwise. There is no time to settle a score. There is nothing to win. When we write from an open heart, we are aware of all the arguments, and yet all of the reason our antagonists can muster can never prevent the light from coming through the cracks.